A mother's raw account of sensory chaos, cleaning never-ending messes, and the invisible exhaustion of parenting a child with severe sensory dysfunction.
Okay, so if you have been following me at all this month? You already know how crazy my life has been. Helping out my friend who was the victim of domestic violence, which ended in 2 weeks of caring for 7 kids who are 85% all Special Needs. When her "incident" occurred I was actually on the phone arranging for PODS to come out and drop off a POD so that I could get ready to move. We have lived in my Apartment since 2005 and we have outgrown it I am sad to say- but it's amazing how much CRAP you can acquire- and other things- for instance? Since moving in here I acquired two more children, a dog and a cat. There is a lot to get organized, a lot of "weeding" through things that I don't want to move - or that are essential to keep. It has forced me to get serious about filing that stack of important paper work that needed to be filed.
Then I had CPS knocking on my door to check on her children. That - simply was not fun.
In addition to all this- I should tell you. When P (My ASD 5 year old) was diagnosed back in 2009? One of the MAIN questions I addressed in Therapy? Was "WHY DOES HE ALWAYS- ALWAYS MAKE A MESS?!?!?" I was told, and I sadly quote: "He may have OCD tendencies, and it doesn't always mean clean."
At the time? My biggest reason for asking besides the fact he would dump out any container that contained anything, was his obsessive need to dump out anything liquid- Heaven forbid Dad leave his Coke can unattended for a split second- and it would be all over the floor.
Did I mention I've been here since 2005?
My carpet is atrocious, I was told if it was any newer than 5 years? I'd be responsible for it. Ummm, No thanks! It would take my kid 5 weeks to destroy the new carpet. -Which- On average I clean my carpet every 4 months - and no- you can't tell.
Not even a year ago I did a WHOLE new paint job on the entire Apartment. Again this is hard to even know.
My point in all these things is to get to my absolute gripe. I deal with my son's Autism fairly well. I work extremely hard to be an optimist. It has caused me to give up in certain areas. Such as "My Idea" of "Clean". I now have learned to settle for "tidy".
Note to ANYONE - do not surprise visit me- it causes me panic attacks because you just NEVER know what you are going to walk into- last Sunday I was all set up for an inspection from CPS- this Sunday? I couldn't tell. I spent my day cleaning because I know on Tuesday that we will be getting this apartment inspection.
When you clean as much as I do? It's not Gross- but - it LOOKS bad. Yesterday? I thought I was safe to close my eyes for a minute- when I awoke? I found:
- An Entire Jug of Red Kool Aid all over my Kitchen
- A Half Bag of Sour Cream & Onion Chips all over my living room floor
- A pile of Goldfish Crackers which had been smashed into the carpet
- A Bathroom "Sensorily" decorated in KETCHUP
- A Nearly Flooded Vanity area in the boys room as he FOUND the Handles for the sink (Again)
- Bakugans Dumped and strewn all over the house
- And Spilled Rice in the Laundry area.
Later I realized that there was Rice and Goldfish on a pizza pan in the oven- but not until after I turned it on to make dinner and couldn't figure out what the STENCH was.
My "nap" ??? It was 45 minutes long.
If I spent all day running behind my child so I could keep a VERY clean home? I would have NO TIME for the Following:
- Therapy
- Interaction
- Homework
- Family Games
- Sleep
Just to name a few.
My issue with this?
NO ONE GETS IT
Unless of course - you walk in my shoes- which I'm sure many of you do!
I hate things like inspections- I am so happy to be MOVING- because something like an inspection? Makes me a neurotic mess- "DON'T DO THAT!" "STOP!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" "PICK THAT UP" - it's constant tension - tension that my ASD child does not need.
Is it wrong of me to wish there was a level of understanding? I know I am asking far too much because unless you live this life? YOU JUST CAN NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE.
I'll be ready for the inspection by my apartment- but not without casualties- hollering more than I ever would, being stricter on my son- who in the end? Makes most of his messes because he has MAJOR SENSORY DYSFUNCTION. I have learned to live with it- and I don't blame him. I just wish that I could explain, and make others understand so they didn't judge me on this fact either.
Am I Alone?
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