A special needs parent's honest journey from burnout to self-care. Why quitting smoking, exercising, and buying new shoes matters more than you think.
It’s been a while since I have been able to sit down and write a blog, life gets crazy with 3 boys and school in session. Heck, honestly life seems busy all the time
Almost 9 years ago I became a mother for the first time. Recently- I was thinking about my life before kids. I think all of us have those moments where we wish it were the “fun” days, but wouldn’t trade our children for the world. Those of us raising special needs children may have a few more days where we shake our heads and say “I remember when”. Why is that? I think it’s because once you become a mother- no matter who your child is- your focus and your livelihood pour into your child or children. They become your ultimate responsibility, what do they need? What do they want? What will make them happy? Sure I can volunteer at a school between therapies and a job and laundry and cleaning and doctors and . and . and. . . So at what time do you decide that ‘Whoa! I am giving more of myself away than there is to give?’
You know what I am talking about- the burn out moment- where everything feels like no matter how hard you try you are out of control, where things just feel so hard to do and you are fighting everything- you are swimming with only a nose out of the water. The last time I had one of those “Mini-meltdowns” of my own, I realized. Much more is in my control! How often do I go to the store and pick this toy or that toy up because either it is fun or educational or I just know my children will smile. I justify any purchase for them but have lacked the ability to find money to do things for myself. Heck, I can’t even find “FREE” time in every sense of the word! Finally I realized I was just making excuses, if I can’t make sure I can find 30 minutes in the day to do something that directly benefits me? Something is way off! And when your 8 year old son looks at you and says, “Mom, those shoes have GOT to go- look at them!?” And I hadn’t found “time” or “money” to buy myself a pair of shoes but boy did he have about 1000 Bakugans? Something really seemed off.
I have always been a very happy person- so don’t get me wrong. I am super optimistic and despite all my trials in life I wouldn’t change my life for the world, but I just kind of, quit worrying about myself! Finally it dawned on me- change- isn’t always a BAD thing.
First I changed my lifestyle, I hadn’t quite completely kicked my nasty smoking habit, so I did that first. As determined as I was this time it seemed almost easy, then I took up working out, after 3 kids I had ‘let myself go’ so to speak. I quit drinking any alcoholic beverages so I wouldn’t crave cigarettes, and I gave up soda to cut some calories. As I made these changes in my life I noticed that my children were changing too- I had never really allowed them to drink soda except on special occasions, but since I quit, and started drinking a lot more water- so did they! When I started paying attention to what I was eating and what was healthy, so did they! This was a win win. But the biggest plus? I have a lot more energy.
I think when we have children with special needs, we forget about ourselves even faster than *typical* parents do. Not to mention the added stress takes its toll on our bodies- I once read an article that stated parents of children with Autism have similar stress levels to that which is found in combat soldiers. The constant worrying, the constant concerns, will he make friends, is he hurt worse than he appears, are the alarms set on the doors, will he trip and crack his cranium today, will he bolt out into the street, will he ever be able to function as an Adult, will he always need me?
Well as the last thought struck me – I think P will be able to become a fully functioning adult, I work very hard with him and his prognosis is very good. But, what if he isn’t. Don’t I owe it to my other children, to P and to myself to take as best care of myself as possible?
So I took my day (which I never thought could fit anything else in it) worked out a new routine, and spend 30 minutes a day exercising, then I save money up each month- a little at a time so that once a month I can go shopping for myself- I encourage you all to do the same thing- head out for that Mani-Pedi this month- you will feel better about yourself, more relaxed and ready to be a warrior again- (I’m talking to you Daddies out there too!! Mani-Pedis are GREAT for your nails) LOL!
Next on my “ME” list will FINALLY be NEW Glasses!! ………… Hey they aren’t really BROKEN ………Yet……. just…. a bit crooked….=P
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