A letter to a stranger at the grocery store. Why I paid for your $18 bill. Why kindness matters. And why God's plan includes the encounters we don't expect.
Dear “J”,
I saw you at the store, struggling to understand what was going on when clearly you had meticulously planned out the last $18 in your account- whatever happened that left your bank account a few dollars short? I don’t know.
Maybe it was some bad choices. Maybe it was some bad life instances. Maybe you’ve been struggling for years. Maybe you are a retired vet and trying to survive in a country where it can feel like the majority isn’t thankful for the sacrifices made.
Maybe you struggle with depression, mental illness and have trouble holding a job. Maybe you are an addict or an alcoholic.
I don’t know why you were struggling and you know what? I don’t care. I mean- I care- believe me I care- but I don’t care what your reasons are. Because I – Saw YOU.
I saw a man trying to figure out how to buy paper towels, hot dogs and something to drink. I saw you trying to pick and choose a few dollars’ worth of items so you would be able to afford the most important things.
I SEE you. I see you as a human being, as one of God’s children and I don’t care what you have done that got you here in life, I am not sure what has happened to you that a man- older than I – who is clearly as nice as can be- struggling. I saw a human being making the most of a bad situation- I saw the cashiers who simply knew that you didn’t have the money and they couldn’t give you things for free. I saw some dirty looks too – I’m hoping you didn’t notice. I saw stares of judgment- the line which had grown as you tried to figure out your purchase options- as you checked your balance at the ATM - $18 dollars. That’s the total you had- and I watched you try to choose options because you thought you still had $25.
I see you- as one of God’s children- I see those who are watching you? As an opportunity for me.
You may have thought my offering to pay for your groceries seemed crazy- I asked the cashier in my line- as the people had grown behind me waiting for you to figure out how to pay for your purchases – if you were having trouble paying for your groceries. She told me you were so I stepped out of line- and told another cashier in a very loud voice I’d like to pay for your groceries.
$18 and a few odd cents later. That’s all.
Do you have any idea how many times I’ve likely blown $18? On crap that I don’t need. I wasn’t having to choose between what I needed – I’m sure I’ve “blown” $20 on things far worse than helping one of God’s children in need.
The cashier didn’t know if I was stupid or if she should cry because of my willingness to help. I know those in my line stared at me in disbelief and it is because of that I offer this confession to you.
I don’t care if the money you have left in your account goes to alcohol, drugs, or whatever you may use it for. I don’t care if you have been a thief and stolen thing. I don’t care if you haven’t showered in days – I don’t care if your appearance may be qualified as “unkempt”. I don’t care if you are just an asshole who blew all his money- although I don’t feel in my heart any of these was the case.
In my heart I felt that you were a kind soul who was trying to account for just over $5. I felt you were someone who was struggling- and life can be unkind.
I want to try to be the kindness in the world that God wants me to be. I can’t always pay for people’s groceries, I can’t always give the homeless man bus fare, I can’t always help the ways I want to- but when I can? I look for ways to help others.
I was honored to pay for your groceries sir, and for whatever reason you may be struggling I pray that today is a better day- with a bit of weight lifted off your shoulders – but I also pray for something more.
I pray that those people in line behind me are inspired to be the difference the world needs. I know one of them looked at me like I was an idiot- it’s okay- she was still young- life hasn’t touched her likely yet the way it probably has you – and how I know it has touched me before.
You know what has gotten me through the hard times? God, His children and their genuine love for mankind.
I like to share that. So I guess? My paying your grocery bill? It’s a bit selfish you see, and I felt that I should tell you that.
Things in this world are so messed up- there isn’t enough love and understanding floating around in my opinion – 2 days ago I ordered a pizza for my family and my total with them cost more than your whole grocery bill.
$18. It’s certainly not much- but I hope it changes the trajectory of your day. I heard you choke up as you told me, “No one has ever been this kind, this has never happened to me, you are the sweetest thing ever. God Bless you!”
“And may God Bless you too Sir! I hope you have a chance to pay it forward someday.”
That was my response.
Those who know me best – know this is just how I roll. I know many can’t wrap their head around it. I’ve been known to send a couple hundred dollars to a friend with no questions asked- because he was having a hard time and because I for once had it- and could live without it.
See – I know what hard is. I know what it’s like to be a homeless teenager, I know what it’s like to be struggling to put food into the mouths of my children after I overcame being a homeless teenager, spent years acquiring “stuff-n-thangs” – and had a life only to have it all “disappear” while I tried to figure out how to feed my hungry children.
Some people scowled at me, some judged me, but a lot of people HELPED me. And I vowed to do what I could to pay it forward.
It costs nothing to be kind. That’s all I was truly doing, I just happened to be able to contribute in a monetary fashion as well.
God has been raining blessings down on me Sir, and it is simply HIS blessings I was allowed to share with you today.
The truth is- neither of us had anything to do with this morning’s interactions- typically? I would have woken up my 13 year old and sent him on his bike for my caffeinated beverage of the day. I wouldn’t have even typically been there- but due to some “abnormalities” in my morning?
I opted to be the one to head to the store.
God’s choice, God’s plan.
They didn’t have monsters right inside the door where I usually buy them- then? They were missing their Monster cooler on the other side. I had to walk all the way to the back of the store for a warm monster – and it ended up with me going to a checkout – which I wouldn’t have even been near had they not been out of monsters.
So you see sir, your thank you to me? Is unnecessary, it’s not me- I’m just a vessel, a messenger of sorts who clearly was placed in your path for a reason- as you must have been placed in mine.
I do hope that all those who witnessed me paying your grocery bill, those who had to wait while I left my line to pay for your groceries – while above all else today? I hope I inspired them to be more aware of the pain God’s children endure. I hope that they are inspired to try to do some extra good in the world today after witnessing my actions. I know it’s a long shot overall – but one can hope.
All too often in this life we are so quick to judge- don’t give the homeless guy money- he’ll just buy beer.
So what?
If I were homeless I bet I’d need a beer too.
So you see sir, I don’t know what your circumstances are – or why you were struggling today but it just doesn’t matter.
I see you, you are human, you are God’s child, I am God’s child, you are like a brother – and I am happy I have been blessed enough that today? I was able to help you out the way I was- it isn’t always that way.
I simply shared my gifts I have been given by our Almighty Father. I saw the situation- and the only thing I could think of – is what if that were me?
I would have been embarrassed for not being able to pay, I would have hated all the eyes on me, I would have been stressed trying to decide between the hot dogs and the tuna.
I didn’t want you to have that stress if I could help it. Not because you were such a nice guy- or because I know you- but because you- deserved a break if I could offer one. I just know it.
So, from the “crazy chick” with the “crazy hair” – who was standing in line half in pajamas waiting to purchase a caffeinated beverage I shouldn’t even be drinking? Let haters hate, Let judgment be passed, let the ugly people live out their lives in their own ugliness- in the meantime – I hope that the crazy people like You & I – who clearly should have better sense in …. Style in my case – or maybe managing money in yours?
I say? F* Them. I pray your struggles turn around, I pray you aren’t having to choose between paper towels and hot dogs or whatever else was in your cart as far as the future can see- and I pray that you should find yourself in that situation again? I pray someone is there to set an example and make a difference in the way I truly hope that I was able to do today.
May God bless you my friend on your journey, may He watch over you as intently as I believe He was today. And if the $15 you have left in your account goes to some beer?
Have one for me.
*Cheers*
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